Thoughts on "The Journey of Desire" (Part 02)

After I got off the phone last night with the most recent church to give me bad news in my search for a youth pastor’s position, I did something that I've been doing a lot in recent months. I got rip-roaring mad. I was not angry with the church. I was not angry with the committee. No, I was angry at God.

I had had just about enough. Every time it’s seemed that I was about to finally move up in life to the next level, one where I can actually have a job that will allow me to support myself and not have to live with my parents, it’s been like something gets in the way. Or, I guess I should say, Someone. Yes, as my mind remembers back to The Journey of Desire, I recall a chapter that Eldredge entitled "The Divine Thwarter," which is a section of the book that the author devotes to the thwarting action of God. Basically, the idea is this: we seek after things in life to find fullness of life in them, and God does everything in His power to thwart our success in gaining them. Eldredge tells a story of his continuous attempts to plan a fishing weekend where he would be able to enjoy the outdoors and wilderness while he did a little fly-fishing. He recounts the numerous times he attempted to take this trip when sudden snowstorms, mudslides, and the unexplained absence of fish ruined his plans. He likened it to a game of chess that he was playing with God—a game where he ultimately saw himself facing checkmate. It was as if God was purposely trying to keep him from enjoying a fishing trip. When I first read that chapter, I thought to myself, "Why does God have to be like that? I mean, really, how is going on a fishing trip harming him spiritually? Why can’t He just let him have it?" And, even more specifically to my situation, "How in the world can attaining a youth pastor's position, and with it my independence, not be something good that God would want me to get? Why can’t He just let me have it?"

I had been angry all day long, at times seething even, that God was thwarting my plans yet again. I actually considered going back to school to get my teaching certificate in history, since I wasn't sure I could go into the ministry and lead people into a relationship with a God who is out to do anything He can to deny me the life I desire. My anger with God had been steadily growing over the weeks, months, and even years of what I had perceived to be His purposely keeping me from the things I wanted most in life. And, after last night's phone call, I finally let loose and put all the blame where I knew it belonged for all those years of failure to attain the things I so greatly longed for. Not on Satan, but on God Himself.

Then, it was as if a light went on. It was like the Holy Spirit suddenly made it click in my heart. Whereas before I felt like God was keeping these things from me and thus denying me life, it suddenly dawned on me that the reason that God was keeping these things from me was because they could not give me that life! You see, I had become an idolater without even knowing it. After thinking I had gotten it through my thick head the other day that life in all its abundance was not possible this side of Heaven, I was back at it—once again seeking to find the fullness of life in things like a job, a wife, an image, and on and on and on. There was still a part of me that believed I could have it—life in all its grandeur—if I could just have this ministry, this person, this experience, this you name it. The problem for me, like Eldredge, was I wasn’t simply going to possess these things, I was going to worship them.

Suddenly, in a matter of seconds, the months and years of buildup of a hardness of heart toward God for His denying me these things melted away when I realized that God was not denying me, but saving me! He was saving me from a lifestyle of idolatry where I’d turn to other gods to find life (and fail) instead of the true God who is the Source of all Life.

It's like the lessons of the book are being worked out in my everyday life. I have had a sense of peace and relief since that moment that I haven't had in years. My practical atheism died hard today as God brought me in humble repentance to a place where I realized, finally, just as I had talked about and preached on so many times, that the true life that my heart seeks is only found in a love relationship with Him. I can finally stop looking for abundant life, for I already possess it!

"Passion of the Christ" Showing

Greetings AFC Members:

This week's meeting will be held in the Alumni Lounge at 9 PM. We will be showing The Passion of the Christ for the entire campus. I encourage you all to attend and to bring a friend or two. This is a great opportunity to share your faith in a relaxed, social setting. I hope to see you there - you are all in my prayers.

My love in Christ,

Stephen

Thoughts on the Journey of Desire (Part 01)

Lately, I’ve been reading The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge and as I’ve progressed through the book, I think the process that he is describing is happening to me. I think I’m starting to get it. Through all the days, dare I say years, of depression and struggle, I believe I have gotten it straight: We need life for our hearts, yet it’s just not possible, not yet anyway.

Isn’t that so disappointing? To be honest, when I first picked up the book I thought it was going to show me how to find the fullness of life that Christ talked about in John 10:10, a life that is, as the book described in its subtitle, “the life we’ve only dreamed of.” I had long left behind the fundamentalist notion of burying my hurt’s desire in the interest of “holiness.” And, obviously, I knew that seeking to indulge sinful desires was a dead end. I thought to myself, “My drivenness to secure the right ministry, marry the girl of my dreams, make enough money, and see my desires met is to live according to desire the way God intended us to.” After all, desire is at the core of who we are. Life is just beginning and I felt that I had just boarded a luxury cruise liner and was waiting for the festivities to begin. I was certain that Eldredge was going to show me how God wanted to bring to pass the life I wanted so desperately. And he did, except just not the way I thought.

His basic three points are (1) We need life, (2) we can’t have life now, and (3) someday we will have the life we desire. As I read, I thought, “You have to be kidding me.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we don’t have tastes of life here and now, or that we aren’t growing into the experience of life as God brings our hearts back from the dead. It’s just that for all the dreams and idealism of youth, for all the well-laid plans, there is the sad reality that I have encountered many times already in my young life – no matter how hard we try, it just never seems to work out quite the way we expected. The perfect girlfriend decides they never really loved you. The job you thought you had in the bag, slips through your grasp, or, better yet, when it does seem to work out, there are always problems and the original high seems to always give way to the doldrums of the daily grind. The more he pointed this out, the more I got the feeling that the cruise liner I had boarded was the Titanic. Instead of thinking that my drive in life to go after these things was borne purely out of a desire to find life in all its fullness, I have been left with the sobering reality that in many ways it is one gigantic defense mechanism. These pursuits are my personal endeavors to make the pain of disappointment and the reality of life in the here and now go away. It’s my frantic attempt to steer clear of the unavoidable ‘iceberg of truth’ that derails my neurotic efforts to find the life I long for in a fallen world. That life, life in all it’s fullness – which is, if we’re honest, what we’re all trying to arrange for – just isn’t going to happen. It’s over. Give up. Fugheddaboudit.

Depressing? Not really. In fact, I discovered a strange paradox– in giving up trying to create this perfect life, I have found myself more at peace. It’s almost as if giving up on making this life “work” frees me to long for and look forward to the one that will. Then again, I think I heard that somewhere before (Matthew 16:25). You see, it’s not that all the things I was going after were sinful. They were good things! Nor does it mean I shouldn’t still seek them. It’s just that I was living my life in denial. I didn’t want to accept reality. The reality that no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to make it happen, at least not yet. And that word “yet”, I learned, just three letters long, makes all the difference in the world. In letting go and accepting that life in its fullness is not an option in the here and now, I have found great peace in what the Bible calls hope. Hope, Biblically, is the certainty of a future with God and each other that will be everything we’ve been longing for since we lost Eden. It’s what enabled the saints of the first few centuries to endure horrific persecution and torture. There is just something about knowing that your heart’s deepest longings will one day be met. That’s what the Christian life is supposed to be about: beginning to grow into the life that we will experience in its fullness when we “see him as he is” (1 John 3:2).

So, should we bother to desire now? By all means. That’s what Eldredge wanted to get across. We should enter more deeply into our desire, with the expectation that our desires will all be fulfilled – eventually. This is how we find true contentment in a life of ups and down, good and bad, and all the rest. And as we find contentment in the promise of hope, we will begin to delight ourselves in the Lord in a way we never have. We will find that He truly is our source of life. When that happens, ironically, God will see it safe to bring us “the desires of [our] heart,” knowing that we will no longer use them as worthless idols like we did before. We will be able to enjoy His blessings as they were intended to be enjoyed.

I guess that brings us to a moment of decision. Are you ready to stop trying to arrange things so that you can find life to the full now? Will you be wise enough to stop deluding yourself into thinking you can do it? I can guarantee you that if you don’t, you will be disappointed. But on the flip side, I can, on the basis of Scripture, guarantee, in some weird way that only God can pull off, that the life you think you are missing out on by letting it all go, will be the very thing you find in the process.

Tom <><

Resurrection Sunday

Grace, peace, and mercy from God our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Greetings in the Name of the Lord!

Today is Resurrection Sunday - the day we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. What a marvelous day! This is the most joyous day for Christians around the world. Because of Christ's resurrection, we are dead to sin and alive in Christ (Romans 6). If Christ had not conquered death, we not be able to claim victory over sin. Remember what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:14-17, "And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins." The Bible makes it clear that we are free from our sins not simply because of his death on the cross, but because he defeated death and gloriously ascended!

Enjoy this Resurrection Sunday and take time to reflect on the goodness of God. He loved us so much that He sent His own Son to die for our sins - and then raised Him from the dead that we enjoy intimacy with Him.

Jesus, we thank you for our redemption.

-Stephen

Thanks to John Eldredge for inspiration for this post. Brothers and sisters, read Waking the Dead by John Eldredge for more inspiration and encouragement as to living life with a heart fully alive.

Back at home...

Hello friends.

What a journey the past few days have been. I apologize for the lack of updates - the end of the trip was a busy one.

Wednesday
We continued our work with the Red Cross. We were all assigned to the Mass Care Unit. Amanda and I were stationed at the shelter, Travis and Jessie were stationed at the service center, and Bryan floated between the two making food deliveries. We conversed with the residents of the shelter and learned about the emotional and psychological damages the storm had on its victims. I will post some of my reactions to this later.

Thursday
Thursday was spent touring Atlanta. Travis and I toured Turner Field (Atlanta Braves) while Amanda, Bryan, and Jessie toured a local radio station (DAVE FM). Amanda and Bryan visited some other locations while Jessie, Travis, and I went back to the hotel to watch some TV. After a nice dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, we packed up our luggage and prepared for a long bus ride home.

Friday and Saturday
Friday and Saturday were spent traveling on Greyhound buses. I must admit that we were not pleased with Greyhound's services, but we arrived home this morning and we are glad to be with our families.

I will post more regarding my experiences later. Until then, Happy Easter! Remember, it is the Resurrection that redeemed us from the pit (1 Corinthians 15:17). I will be in touch shortly.

By His Grace,

Stephen

Atlanta Update

Grace, peace, and mercy to you in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! We have had a very action filled past two days! The Lord has blessed us so much. Here's a summary:

Monday
We woke up early and prepared for the day. After breakfast at the Waffle House, we took an hour long trip via public transportation to the Atlanta Chapter of the Red Cross. We walked up the front desk, explained who we were, and we were received gladly. The Red Cross staff put us in a small conference room where we met Elaine Miller from Delta Airlines, her husband Randy, and their friend Luke. Elaine, Randy, and Luke are all Christians and we shared about the joys of serving God. After a short orientation, we were given our assignment for the day. The AFC Team along with the Delta Airlines Team put together approximately 200 cleaning kits, which are kits with supplies from Home Depot to be used to help clean up homes damaged by the tornado. The team loaded the kits and food into Red Cross Disaster Relief trucks. We were placed on standby and then released for the day. The Miller Family then took us into the heart of the damage, where we were able to see firsthand the terrible destruction of the tornado. I will post more as to our reactions to the damage later. After viewing the damage, we spent some more time with the Millers graciously treated us to dinner. It was such a blessing to serve God and then to share in some fellowship with the Miller Family. After some shopping, day one was complete.

Tuesday
We woke up nice and early this morning and reported to the Red Cross at 9 AM. We were assigned to the Mass Care Unit. Travis and I partnered up on one Red Cross Disaster Relief truck while Amanda and Jessie teamed up on another. We were dispatched to the shelters and service centers, where we supplied the shelters with food, cleaning kits, and supplies. Bryan was assigned to a damage assessment unit, which was dispatched to homes to assess the amount of damage done by the weather. All of us met with displaced residents as well as others affected by the tornado. Although it was saddening to see the devestation, we were equally encouraged to see the smiling faces of those grateful to the Red Cross for their wonderful services. News stations, newspapers, and other medias reported to the scenes - AFC received a lot of media attention. We are still waiting on some phone calls for interviews and such. There are also talks of a partnership between Red Cross Atlanta and the Ambassadors for Christ team. I am so excited to have all these opportunities - not to spread the name of Ambassadors for Christ, but of Jesus Christ. We have established new working relationships and friendships - all in the Name of Jesus Christ. Glory be to the living God.

God bless you all.

-Stephen and a "mad tired" Travis

Biloxi, Mississippi; I mean, Atlanta, Georgia

Grace, peace, and mercy in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Greetings from Atlanta, Georgia!

As many of you know, a group of us from Ambassadors for Christ were en route to Biloxi, Mississippi to provide relief efforts due to the destructive force of Hurricane Katrina. While we were preparing to leave for Biloxi, Mississippi, a terrible tornado hit Atlanta, Georgia, leaving some dead, many injured, and a lot of wreckage. When we arrived to Atlanta, 12 hours behind schedule due to issues with the bus company, God impressed on our hearts a desire to stay in Atlanta. Amanda contacted Biloxi, Mississippi, where the staff of Urban Life Missions graciously serve the Lord, and they encouraged us in our efforts to aid the broken city of Atlanta. We made one phone call to hotels.com, where sales associate Philamena kindly made arrangements for us to stay in the heart of Atlanta. We are currently making contacts with Atlanta Emergency Management and the Red Cross. We will be here until Friday, March 21, 2008.

God is moving in our hearts down here. The group has abandoned all structured schedules, finanical restrictions, and common sense in a desire to pursue God like never before. We are in the wild, the battlefield, the front lines - and this time, we're not backing down. Continue to pray for us. We love you all.

Leaning on His Understanding,

Stephen and Travis

Jesus: The Friend of Sinners

You know, I got to thinking about how some Christians are so ridiculous when it comes to dealing with unbelievers. And I thought about it this way: Would unbelievers call Christians the friends of sinners? Hardly. The sad fact is that Christians today see unbelievers as the enemy and not the precious lost sheep that Christ came to find. And don't think that unbelievers don't see it that way. Why do you think that in numerous surveys, the last person someone will go to when their marriage is in trouble is their pastor?! Or why do people equate the church with political activism and self-righteousness rather than grace? It is not because we have failed to proclaim the truth. Never before in the history of the world has a nation been saturated with as much Bible teaching as we have today in America. At least not since Israel at the time of the Bible. We are full of truth, but we are sorely lacking on Grace (John 1:14). Grace is simply treating people the way they don't deserve. It's loving them though they're unlovable (Romans 5:7-8), sticking with them when you are repulsed by their lifstyle (Luke 15:2), being patient with them even though they are stubborn in their unbelief (1 Peter 3:9). You know, kind of like how God was with me and you?

I work with youth (I'm currently looking for a permanent, full time youth pastor position) and love kids with all my heart. I've learned something rather amazing. You want to know what it is? Well, here goes: you simply will not get a hearing with teenagers until you can demonstrate that you are a "safe" person. A safe person is someone that listens to them and values them for who they are. A safe person is someone they can be themselves around. A safe person is one who accepts them as they are because that's the way God accepted us (Rom 4:5; 15:7). It is only when they are loved that they will be open to hear the message of truth from us and be changed by it. You say, "But we can't condone their lifestyle!" We don't. As a matter of fact, while we make clear that we don't condone their lifestyle, we make it as equally clear that we love them regardless of the choices they make. You say, "But that will lead to licence and sinful living!" Wrong. It leads, if you give it time, to transformation and Godliness! When you love a young person unconditionally, or anyone for that matter, and they internalize that love, you won't be able to keep them from loving back (1 John 4:19). Remember, John 3:16 starts off "For God so loved the world..." You have to start with love and grace, otherwise truth comes off like fingernails on a blackboard.

So I say that we do something novel as a church. I say we start "so loving" the world. Not its system, but its people. Not its lifestyle, but the souls of its inhabitants. And for those of you who think the unbelievers are our enemies - God loves His enemies. Jesus gave up his life for people who couldn't give a hoot about God. Maybe we should too. And maybe, just maybe, as we do "evil" things with them like listen to rock music, go to parties with them, laugh with them, dance with them, and watch movies (oh my) with them, they will see that Jesus is still the friend of sinners, and that it is He that is loving them through us.

Tom <><

Discussion with Shirley Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church

Hello friends.

Yesterday, I had a recorded discussion with Shirley Phelps-Roper of Westboro Baptist Church of Kansas. You may be familiar with Westboro Baptist Church - their members picket at the funerals of dead United States soldiers, hold signs that say "God hates fags" and "Thank God for AIDS," and preach a distorted interpretation of God's word. Shirley Phelps-Roper is the offical spokesperson for the church. She has been on Fox's Hannity and Colmes, CNN, The Tyra Banks Show, Howard Stern, etc. If you feel so inclined, you can visit their website at http://www.godhatesfags.com/.

The conversation I had with her was moderated by University of New Haven undergraduate student Zack Rosen of 88.7 WNHU and UNH's Charger Bulletin. Zack, in his article "No Sympathy for the Devil," stated the following: "When Stephen read my prior article about the church and found out about my knowledge of them, he wanted to personally have a discussion with Shirley to clarify their religious differences. This interview will not be broadcast live, but will be played on the radio in the near future" (http://www.chargerbulletin.com/). I just want to clarify that I did not desire a discussion with Shirley Phelps - my desire was to clarify that Mrs. Phelps-Roper does not represent Christians or an accuarate reading of the Bible. I also wanted to share what Jesus actually taught about grace and mercy. The media highlights Westboro Baptist Church's extreme views because of their sensational nature, but fails to publicize the true teachings of Jesus Christ. When Zack asked me if I would be opposed to a recorded conversation with Mrs. Phelps-Roper, I initially denied his request. When asked again, after some thought and prayer, I decided to become involved - not to try and wake up Shirley Phelps, but to share with the students of the University of New Haven what Christianity is all about.

The Bible instructs Christians to "expose the fruitless deeds of darkness" (Ephesians 5:11) - that was my other reason for involvement in the project. Westboro Baptist Church teaches a cultish message of hate and condemnation. I hope my discussion with her revealed the fruitless deeds of darkness of Westboro Baptist Church to the students of the University of New Haven as well as the greater New Haven area.

In addition, Zack has started a website entitled http://www.godhatesshirleyphelps.com/. While Zack is my long-time friend and confidant, I do not have any association with the website. My discussion with her will be posted there, but the website is owned and operated by Zack. Christ entered the world and rescued us with His love. By the same token, I want us to love and pray for Shirley Phelps. I do not believe that God hates Mrs. Phelps-Roper, but God does hate how the Westboro Baptist Church twists and manipulates His truths to fit their special interests.

The tentative air date of the discussion is April 1, 2008 at 2 PM on New Haven's WNHU 88.7 FM or you can listen to the live stream at http://www.wnhu.net/. Post your comments and questions here. If anything is personal, simply email me at alivethroughgrace@gmail.com. Special thanks to Zack for the opportunity to share the Gospel. Very special thanks to Travis Young, Lauren D'Alessandro, and Rochelle Wehrfritz for their prayers and support.

God bless you all.

-S.James

More than Conquerors

Grace and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Brother and sister, what is troubling you? Is that one sin, the particular area of weakness that seems to plague you, still dragging you down? Do you feel weak, burdened, and broken? My friend, God can heal you.

My brother, take heart! My sister, stand tall! The Lord God Almighty wants to set you free. Romans 6 says that we have died to sin and are alive to Christ. The chains of bondage to sin and death have been broken and we are now slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:22)!

Do not worry about your past, my brother. Do not focus on regrets, my sister. Isaiah 43:25 says that God blots out our transgressions and remembers them no more. Proverbs 24:16 says that a righteous man falls seven times, but gets back up again, despite calamity. Romans 8:1 reads, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." The Lord God loves you and will not leave your side. He says that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut. 31:6).

It is my prayer that the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ (Phil. 4:7), knowing that we are more than conquerors in Him who loved us (Romans 8:37).

S.James

Welcome

Grace, peace, and mercy from God our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My name is Stephen James Johnson. I am an undergraduate student at the University of New Haven, majoring in Psychology and Criminal Justice. I have been incredibly blessed this academic year to lead the Christian group on campus, Ambassadors for Christ (AFC), a division of Campus Crusade for Christ. In doing so, the Lord has provided me with many opportunities to stand for His word and to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ. It is my pleasure and joy to do so.

This blog, Alive Through Grace, will be a post of my comments and writings. I do not write on behalf of Ambassadors for Christ or Campus Crusade for Christ, but I write from my own heart. I will, from time to time, post announcements for AFC - but only because AFC has a place in my heart.

I also have invited Pastor Thomas Charney, Jr., my mentor and friend, to post on this blog as well. The post will indicate its author. I encourage you to make comments on the posts and engage the writers in honest, sincere dialogue.

May God bless you and may your cup overflow!

My love,

-Stephen