I just returned from a personal retreat. I spent some time with God in His creation and as I prayed, I felt impressed to begin writing in the blog once again. I have a problem with commitment - I cannot seem to commit to writing continuously, but I pray that God will continue to remind me to write.

A great amount of time has passed since I last wrote in this blog. In this time, I have experienced some of the pains of growth. I always teach, and will continue to do so, that growth does not occur when we are in our comfort zones. (In a sermon, Dr. Charles Stanley stated that a turtle only advances when its head is outside of the safety of its shell.) And the comfort zone, as I have coined it, can be seen as a spectrum. On one extreme of the spectrum lies the behavior we try to avoid, the negative actions and characteristics, such as drunkenness, lying, cheating, and so on. And at the other extreme end of the spectrum lies the behavior that is positive but yet may be out of our zones of comfort, such as feeding the homeless, travelling to other countries to perform ministerial work, and praying with the sick.

I am certain that God desires for us to grow in the end of the spectrum that involves positive, moral, Godly behaviors and attitudes. However, humans often submit to the sinful desires of the flesh, causing us to reach the exact opposite end of the spectrum. And when we choose sin over Godliness, "...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28) and that there is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). This is how sin and immoral behavior can lead to growth, however painful and unpleasant the growth may be, and is therefore included in the spectrum. I must clarify that growth due to such behavior is not encouraged nor is it Biblical. Therefore, do not sin in effort to grow - that would be a sad justification for disobeying God.

The growth that I have been experiencing lately has come as a result of life on both ends of the spectrum, although more from the one we should avoid. Paul clarifies the way I feel when he wrote, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19). Yet my solace comes in the concluding verse twenty, "Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

"How convenient," a skeptic might say. "You can sin yet not take responsibility by blaming the sin living in you." I disagree. This would be similar to a person blaming a bacteria for his tooth cavity rather than taking responsibility for his poor dental hygiene. Paul was aware of the arguments of such skeptics when he wrote Romans 6:1-2, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" I examined my heart and questioned, "If I am dead to such sin, why do I choose it over God?" And I answered this with the aforementioned verse, "Because sin living in me does it." Yet I was not satisfied. "How do I get this sin out of me then?" And the Lord answered "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" (Matthew 7:7-8).

So I packed my bags and left for the wilderness. It is in the wild that growth often occurs; in the Bible, men often retreat to the wilderness and gardens to pray and seek God. I travelled to the Berkshires, to the mountains and river. I spent time with God and myself, getting to know each better. I sat by the waters of the Housatonic River and prayed, "God, I am not leaving until I hear from you." And I did hear from Him in an extremely powerful way. God was ready and waiting to speak to my heart - it was I who had to get away to the quiet of His creation to hear from Him.

One of the things he placed on my heart was to begin writing again. God is always teaching, always revealing Himself. And as He reveals himself and I learn, I will share. I will post more from my small journey later.